Alexa Pikcilingis, New Hampshire Portrait by Lori Pedrick

Alexa Pikcilingis, New Hampshire
Portrait by Lori Pedrick

Today is for me

As a cataloguer, I was compelled to capture myself before turning thirty.
Youthful Energy to remember: The confidence, the shape of my face, lines of flesh, hair patterns, the color of my eyes, the color of my skin, my strength, the age.

 

       I’ve earned my age.

       I’ve lived through.

       Developed. Adapted. Survived.

 

       My body keeps me feeling great! 

       It works so well, fitting together, carrying me around, looking good, shielding
me from invaders, regenerating constantly.  It’s the only thing I’ll have for forever.
My body: my dwelling place. 

 

       Sure I’ve got some sun spots, hair where I don’t want it, skin that sags, skin that bags, grey popping up behind my ears, even fungus on my toe. Not everything is ideal. Dealing with that is part of growing up girl.

 

       Far too much of my thinking during my twenties was negative thoughts about
my body. Too much of my life has been spent in a bathroom concerned about my appearance. How much do I weigh? Do I have upper lip hair? Would they notice? Why do I have to have all this hair on my tummy? How many fat rolls can I count?

 

                                Oh the sad, sad tale it was.

 

      Good golly girl it’s gonna be great!

 

                                Get up, get out, and go!

 

       As I lived through my twenties and approached thirty, I couldn’t deny that my mind was maturing. I noticed my thinking evolving, causing me to think differently about myself. I stopped holding myself down, beating myself up, and feeling guilty.

       I began to embrace my body. To know it, and to respect it. 

 

       Confidence is built. 

       Nothing is built without work. 

       You want something? 

       Then work. 

 

             It’s my choices that will shape the next decade of my life. 

       I hope to take with me what I’ve spent the last decade learning. 

 

       Today is for me, there is no other. 

       Live fully!

— Alexa Pikcilingis